We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
