I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
