Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
