My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
