please come you make the beer taste better
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
