I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this boner is exhausting
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize