Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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