Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
