i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
