my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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