I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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