So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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