I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
