I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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