i don't like sucking hair
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
