Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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