i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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