don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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