Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
