Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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