Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
