Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
