Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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