Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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