I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
