Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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