Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
