somebody snuck up and got me drunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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