South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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