forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
