im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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