Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This house was built for laser tag.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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