I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
