Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize