So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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