Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
