Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
