Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
