so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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