I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
