You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
