and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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