i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
