nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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