apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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