I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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