I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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