As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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