Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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