She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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