we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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