i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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