I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
