Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
