Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
