i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
