We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
