Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
