so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
