Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
