we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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