You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
