isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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