Me too!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize