So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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