The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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